I’d like to share my progress in recovery in MDD. Well, theres been up and downs. But what ive learned was so much more in life in this phase. I learned that we help ourselves by helping others. Thats the purpose i created this blog. It is to inspire people not to give up and that there is still hope.
If you’ve been following my posts. I have mentioned that i am a housemen currently working in Serdang Hospital Malaysia. I’ve had Major Depressive Disorder for many years. Housemenship was just the cherry on top of the cake if you know what i mean. In my journey to recovery, i have to be honest. I am still struggling to balance between work , dream and health. I almost at the edge of loosing my career as a doctor.
I have completed my first posting which was Obstetric and Gyneacology. I had a tough time balancing between life and work. But i manage to rise back up and completed it. Im currently in my second posting which is Medical posting. They say its the toughest. So high chances i could be triggered majorly by it.
I was right. I broke down and crashed after my tagging days were over. I was burned out. My symptoms of depression started becoming clearer. I took a long mc break under PSY follow up in my very own hospital where i worked. I’ve met the most wonderful psychiatrist name Dr Elinda. She has helped me a lot.
My three months journey of recovery has been a hell of a ride for me. I was clueless. I didnt know how or what to do. It’s not like a physical pain where you can just take pain killers for that. Its much more complicated when it comes to Mental Ilness.
I spent days of crying and trying to figure out how to recover. I’ve self harmed myself. I took razors a slit my wrist every single time. The satisfaction i felt when i see blood streaming down my arms. You’ll prolly wont understand why i did that. Well, that is the purpose of my blog. When it happend to me, i was alone, i was clueless, i didnt know what to do. I inspire to help others now after i went through this phase.
In my previous post, i have shared that i spent a dreadful night in Hospital Serdang ED after an episode of impulsive and aggressive. Honestly, i dont even know what triggered me. i self harmed myself again but this i tried to jump out the car. My sister was there to save me.
After that 31st May 2019, it finally took me years to find the purpose of life. It changed my life and my perspective view towards the world. Always remember, we fail and we will always rise back up. We wont succeed if we never tested failure. Its the failure that strives us to become a better version of ourselves.
So i had this sudden thought and rush into my mind. I wont let this depression win over me. I am young and have so much things ahead in life. Im so inspired to be like me psychiatrist. If gods will, i will further my studies.
On the other hand, medications has been treating me very well. I am still on high dose Fluxetine or known as Prozac. I finally manage to cope with most of my depression symptoms. What i did was, i studied myself. I found my inner piece that has been long gone.
My sleeping has been better thanks to clonazepam and my wonderful diffuser with essential oils that puts me to sleep every night. Yoga has been a great help for me too. I met more friends along the way of my recovery and i feel blessed. My tremors and panic attacks are way better now. I used to feel cramp all over my body during my attacks and my mind just felt fogged up and i just wanted someone to shut me down or kill me. So thats when i learned the proper way of meditation. Prayers helps too. Ive looked up for inspiring and spiritual books. It was great.
My wish now is to complete my training and help others. Wish me luck loved ones .